im giving up.

i think i should end this before i fell deeper. i dun think we will even be together if i change and if we are tgt. we will not last . as i noe u better, i felt that we are really not compatible i tried to change. but i finally came to my sense after talking to you yesterday i dun think i can even change. and worst still i noe u still like her. i can tell. you noe how hurt am i when u talk bout her. i hate this kind of feeling and i asked u. ''if u like me.'' u said a little yes. im hurt. but i still love you. i really dun like it when u dun wan to tell me anything and yet i need to tell u everything u can get angry with me but i dun seem to get angry with u when i said that i dun miss u when im with my friends. im lying i can just ramdomly tell my friends how i miss u badly and i always daze off. just to think of you since i have alr say so much i might as well say all out every little things u do will affect me i still remember the day u called and ask me bout my results when im working. gosh. i didnt noe that u actually remember then the next day when u are working i noe that u are sick i asked my mama to buy u herbal tea but she didnt went to the market she was asking me why i wanted to buy for u i didnt tell her the real reason of cos. i just told her that u are a nice guy[and u are sick] the next day i was working with u again u brought ur laptop with u and i saw alot of her pic inside i knew that u still love her alot even talking bout her can make u cry im really really really sad and pissed i didnt wan to face u while talking to u how i wish i didnt noe and finally. after hiding the truth to myself for dunno how long. i realize that i fell in love with u i started to miss u alot alot from time to time i really wish to see ur msg everytime my phone ring i wanted to get my bday greeting from u i waited till the last min. i was complaining to iris that u never wish me i was silly enough to think that u rmb. but u still did msg me. thanks(: seriously. i can just tell u when we first chated in msn and the first time i talk on the phone with u my heart was beating damn fast i ps my friends just to talk to u i can call u anytime even using my hp if i dun love u i dun even border to call u cos im lazy to use my house phone i will do anything to heard ur voice even if im sleeping i will pretend that im not. i went to buy a cordless phone so that i can talk to u everywhere be it my room or when we are webcaming so that u no need to call me i went all the way to newton to get my ingredients for muffins and tried my best to bake, using ur fav colour remember that night i went to find u at dmall i told u that my parents was watching movie thats why i 顺便 come and find u? actually. its me who treat my parents for a movie so that i can find time to see you i still keep the first msg that u sent to me and i dun bare to delete it away. at least not now during company dinner. im jealous cos u and xingru was very close together and i purposely dun wan to reply ur msg but i never thought that u will come sit next to me u noe how happy am i when i noe that u still care for me kenny koh. u are probably the second guy that i love most. i hate to admit that i actually love u cos i dun wan to get hurt i dun wan u to pity me and said that u like me too sometimes i really want to tell u not to treat me too good. i noe that we wont be together so we might as well just end it here i dun wan to get hurt even deeper i thank you for the wonderful and not so wonderful times that u have given me. like what u said. all this will just be memories to me we are still friends and still colleague